My Daughter's Trap

Ok, so something seriously screwed up happened to my daughter today (but SO PROUD of her reaction!)....

She was sick for a day last week due to a migraine... while she was not at school a former BFF spread a rumor that she had sex with guyX is what I will call him.... she didn't even give the messenger the decency of a reply... just asked 'what?' (she has a funny way of saying what that makes you realize how stupid that question was)... she did not say she was a virgin, nor did she say she slept with him. The cool part of it was the following conversation:

Mom, I cant win in this situation.. If I admit I did, I am a slut/whore... if I deny it, I am the weirdo virgin.... whats wrong with this picture?

I then explained to her what a 'trap' is.... and why people do it. I also commended her for her restraint and NOT falling for it! I did encourage her to keep up the good work, and that her 'ex friend's' lie.. will come out in the end.

There are a few times in our lives that someone truly amazing passes through.

A person who encourages others to be their best in spite of their faults.

A person who teaches by example by living in the moment, without worry of the past or present.

A person who approaches every day as a new lesson to be learned.

A person who not only understands what grace means, but lives it in every way.

A person who seizes every opportunity to share laughter, a hug and a tear.

A person who gives to others an never expects anything in return.

These are the things I have learned from a remarkable woman.

Margaret will be missed, but to those lives she has passed through, she will never be forgotten.

My dream home: from a former housecleaner!

I have a dream house, though it will probably surprise you what my preferences are. See, I have had cleaning services for more than 4 years of my life… apartment turnovers, bi weekly cleanings, weekly cleanings and new construction cleaning ( you know, those PERFECT model homes? Yea, that was me)… some were ghetto apartments all the way up to several millions of dollars. I have cleaned all surfaces you can imagine, and some I had to be creative with. Here is my list of things I want in my future home.

1. Countertops: stained concrete or stainless steel, with perhaps an inset of butcher block and/or marble for making pastries. I cannot stand granite, marble, tile (grout is disgusting), coriane, Formica etc…. all are inferior, wear terribly and wayyyyyyy too much maintenance to make ‘pretty’. Now, a natural substance that holds up well, cleans well and has natural microbial properties is aggregate quartz countertops.


2. Floors: preferably stained concrete again, hardwood in a neutral to honey color; dark shows EVERYTHING (including fur, dust, lint, snot, streaks, cat yak, children Yuk etc.), too light has its own issues with showing all the other dark issues, see parenthesis above! One of the best surfaces for the money, show and clean ability… bamboo and Swedish finished hardwoods; all it takes is vinegar and water… BAM! ( I will explain further reasons for hard surfaces later)


3. Windows: Wood framed, triple paned, if I can afford it. Why? Of all the homes I have ever cleaned, wood was superior to all others. Wood can ‘go with the flow’ of heat/cold fluctuations, has great durability and were by far, the most stable, with regard to wear and tear and the quietest homes I had ever been in! Triple paned with Argon or Boron filled are the most resistant to ‘unsealing’ issues in the future.


4. Skylights, sky panes and other funky glass: I will never have a glass doored window unless it has an ultra-miniblind installed. I have seen many a house door destroyed by the slamming of the door and the helpless blinds banging themselves into it…. Making marks on the door AND destroying the blind. Do yourself a favor, pay the extra for the blinds inside or get a frosted variety. Sky panes… you know, those ‘window like’ skylights… get some insurance that pays for their entire replacement… or opt out…just like every vehicle that has a sunroof… it WILL eventually leak, and it just takes time. Skylights, include these in any inspection, unless properly installed and flashed, they too, will leak. (I love the new dome/concentrated ones however, they have a different installation). Do not get anything taste specific… it will only be removed and usually destroyed by the next owner; too quirky= GONE.


5. Doors: call me old fashioned, but I like good old fashioned wood. There are neighborhoods where steel exterior doors are a better choice, but this is a dream home I am talking about! … Wood reasons –see #3… but also... quite frankly natural wood doors have to be THE MOST welcoming feature of a home… though, I would make an exception for a fabulous all glass swiveled type of door that costs way too much for my budget!


6. Bathrooms: I like things simple here... the best porcelain products are TOTO... just my experience… in cleaning and ease of use, Kohler is a close second, as well as their fabulous warranties! I will have a walk in shower, as I detest shower curtains and doors. I dislike glass and see through walls… sorry, but after so many years of scrubbing human funk and chemicals off of walls… NO thanks! Shower will be simple honed (one slab per wall) rock with riverbed rock inlaid floor… it feels great on the feet and easily cleaned. Preferably, an outdoor shower will reduce the need for walls at all, and I can just spend the money on great rocks to stand on 


7. Fireplaces: unless you live in a climate that requires the use of alternative heat sources, these are useless and a HUGE waste of space in any home. I suggest them if you live in Northern states, near a coastal area or elevations over 1k feet... otherwise, useless, stinky, difficult to clean and maintenance is a pain! Fire pits-yes, fireplaces-no.


8. Appliances: I have NO IDEA why people like stainless… like its best friend, granite... is overpriced, pretty GARBAGE…. VERY difficult to keep pretty, clean and not to mention always costs more… and while you are at it, add all BLACK appliances to this list. The best are ceramic, white or almond and glass; to keep clean and beautiful. My preference is gas, of course, but the electrics have come a long way with convection and infrared technologies. Since we are in the kitchen, get at least a two part sunken sink (or country styled)…. If you ever worked in the food industry, you know why.


9. Fixtures: do NOT get fancy, weird or otherwise quirky again…. People do not want to think about their fixtures... they should compliment the room, not make it complicated.


Styles I have seen last the test of time:


1. Spa like themes, neutrals and taste unspecific are the best. Think of your favorite luxury vacation and duplicate it… that will give you the best buck for your money in resale any day.
2. Regional themes, the duh factor kicks in here… If you live in a cultural area, go with the flow... Spanish style home, go with Spanish style décor but simplified with neutrals…. If it’s Hawaiian style, go with it… etc….
3. Go with the age/time of the home; if the home is 1920’s… it will be a dud if you put in a contemporary red bedroom/bathroom (see Beetlejuice movie for prime examples of this). Ditto this for NEW development and putting is an all stone looking hobbit interior... you get the idea.


Remember, these are my dreams, preferences etc… BUT as a former professional house, home, apartment cleaner are my preferences I have learned along the way. I prefer to live life well, not live a life spending time IN my home cleaning it! I prefer to LIVE LIFE…

Be well friends. 

Three Hots and a Cot

Yesterday, there was a known criminal who holed himself up in a neighbors house, shot three police officers and 9 hours later gave himself up to police. This person was a parolee at large and had only been out about two weeks. I am forever going to be a people watcher and I usually get more out of the comments on newsfeeds than I do the original postings. This person's statement is what triggered me to think: "Now this a** gets free meals, free healthcare, free everything. And we all have to pay for that. With our tax money. For the next no one knows how many years. Fantastic." I get it, when someone goes to jail, they have a lot of rights, actually in some cases, MORE rights than 'non-incarcerated individuals'. Wait a minute, do they REALLY? Lets take apart the quote...'free meals, healthcare,everthing and we have to pay for that with tax money, for how many years'....How is that any different than our current United States of America, home of the free? Ahah, this is my dilema. Right now, we are in the midst of a changeover for healthcare in our country, if you cannot afford it, it WILL be free. If you do not have a job, there is cash aid and foodstamps. If you get fired, there are up to 99 weeks of unemployment, free money.How is this any different than our incarcerated people? How is it that people make this connection to where our tax money goes, and NOT the same connection for socialistic governmental laws? I see a disconnect here. The final part of this diatribe, are we TRULY free? We are required to have a passport to even visit our own neighbors now,a government statute and government issued identification. We cannot travel freely around our OWN country, without identification of some sort, yet again another governmental statute and issued identification? We cannot leave and we cannot move about freely. Things are free, if we choose not to put in the hard work. Sounds a lot like EVERYONE is incarcerated in some way or another.

Common sense and decency, not so common

I have lived in my current apartment for more than three and a half years. In that time, I have had 13 sets of new neighbors. The demographics have been from 20 year old roommates, an elderly couple, and I am going to guess about 5 different ethnicities. I am a natural people watcher and have noticed an unfortunate trend. Common sense and decency has been slowly declining. I realize, this is communal living, but there are some unwritten social values and rules that people should abide by. Some examples: Trash and refuse; throw your trash away, don't drop it anywhere you are standing, if you throw your garbage into the dumpster and you miss, pick it up, don't let it blow all over, pick up your DOG POOP! Don't store baby diapers, animal feces and litter boxes on your patios or front porches; we CAN smell them. Respect natural flora and fauna; don't beat the crap out of trees and bushes, lawns, dig up mud and throw onto the sidewalk,don't chase after ducks, cats etc. Noise; I understand that there is some noise factor from stereos, televised games, parties, pets etc; but sitting on your patio or balcony and laughing so loud you wake your neighbors at all hours of the night, unacceptable. Marijuana/drugs; I don't want to smell it. Smoke that crap indoors, if YOU don't like the smell in your house, why are you inflicting ME with the smell too? If you want to be a drug dealer and have hundreds of people coming and going, go rent a house or duplex (since you make a shitload of money, you should be able to afford it, right?). I don't want to see you standing around for hours at a time, sitting on the steps, so I have to walk around you, and again, I don't want to smell your 'selling sample'. By the way, I CAN SMELL YOU GROWING IT! Parking; there are unwritten rules, if a spot is numbered or under a cover, its ASSIGNED; just because I am not currently parked there, does not give you carte blance permission to park there. I pay for this spot, it is MINE. Children; there is an acceptable level of noise, I understand this, but allowing your children to throw a tantrum in a shared hallway at the top of her lungs for more than 5 minutes is unacceptable (and reportable to authorities in some places). Allowing your children to 'go play until dark' without supervision is unacceptable, and also another reportable item. I do not want to be your babysitter, snack bar or otherwise made to feel guilty because you are lacking in parental skills. Community areas; while I like a multitude of ethnicities, I take issue with your 5-8 hour party on the grass in the courtyard outside my windows (often with bounce-house and blasting music). I live here too, and pay rent, I have a stressful job and want to be able to enjoy my peace and quiet, the beauty of our complex and what should be mutual respect. Don't get me wrong, I know I have listed a lot of 'rants', and have been known to be 'the bitch on the block', but none of these things are extravagant. These are social mores that seems to have been forgotten, or never learned. People I have REAL issues, know my feelings :) It just seems, that common sense and decency are waning in this world.

9/11/2013 RIP... In memory of....

The most asinine thing I have heard today was from a caller on talk radio.. who thought in so many words : I think we should just stop covering this stuff about 9/11.. no body thinks about it anymore and why bring up so much pain every year?? Hey, Mr. Ignorant Asshat, People who go anywhere outside of their own house will tell you, we feel it, experience it and think about it every day; here are my top 10: 1.Every time we drop our children off at school, that now has security and metal detectors and sign in sheets that require a fingerprinting process before even THINKING about volunteering. 2.We think about it when we go on a damned vacation, I now have to take my shoes off, my sweaters off, cannot take my fingernail clippers. I also now have to spread eagle like a damned criminal, in public to be X-rayed IN PUBLIC, and if that is not good enough 'for the government', I have to be frisked intimately IN PUBLIC. 3.We think about it when we go to our national parks, we can no longer visit Hydro dams without the events of #2 occurring. 4. We think about it when we hear the phone calls, see the news coverages, the day to day differences within major companies we work for... 5. For those of us who work in mental health, healthcare, and public services, we have to think about it often, that we too, may never go home again and give kisses to our children and "I Love You" s every time we part. 6. I cannot even begin to describe what pains and memories the people in the NE of our country or the millions of other people have had to endure from those they have lost. 7. We think about it every time we see a vet in our society, or the deceased veterans that have perished since 10/01. 8. We think about it when traveling out of our 'comfort zone' of the US borders. 9. We think about it every time we go on mass transit (planes, trains, buses).... 10. The final and MOST important reason WE ABSOLUTELY MUST REMEMBER AND LIVE THROUGH THIS PAIN: if we do not learn from our past (also known as history), we are BOUND to repeat it. We as a people, we as a human race.. cannot and should not EVER allow this to happen again, if preventable. *off soapbox* In memory of 9/11 (2013)

I am all of these and none of these. There are times in your life that you come to an internal crossroad. It's not a physical thing, its a subconscious feeling that something needs to change. You can sense it, like a primal instinct that you need to change something. A few years ago, I had this similar feeling and figured it out to be graduate school. Right now, I cant put my finger on it, but I feel it building, yearning for something. I know I need to expand my horizons, get out and meet more people and explore more things; yet, at the same time, I feel I am having an internal conflict of needing to clean and organize something. The irony of this, I have already gone through almost everything in my apartment and minimized. I have already started to complete all the millions of little projects I have been putting off for years, and reading the last few chapters of about 10 different books. Sigh, its a beautiful day and I need to get out in it! Have a good one.